Longing for Neverland

I came to a realization recently, a rather startling and perhaps belated realization for a teacher: I like playing with kids more than I like teaching them. I am also a nicer person when I am not exiled out in the portable, cramped by the inadequate blocks of time, and weighted down with the responsibility of producing quantifiable results called "progress" and "education." Some of the teachers have expressed amazement at my patience in certain situations; I am working to be more firm when necessary, but whenever I raise my voice or speak without compassion to a kid, I regret it for days. There are certainly times when discipline is needed, but I sure don't like doling it out.
On the flip-side there are the occasions when I am having such a good time, singing and joking with my little choir or playing a singing game with second-graders, that I feel almost guilty for wishing that more of our learning time was like this: not a tug-of-war with the teacher forcing students (or trying to convince them that it is worthwhile) to participate, behave, and get something out of the experience, but rather a cooperative effort to discover something fun, beautiful, and worthwhile together.
All that being said, I am not giving up teaching yet. It does make me wonder though, how much my preference for being less of an authority figure and more of a peer mentor (or playmate?) is influenced by my own childhood experiences and whether this will change. I have always disliked conflict, been somewhat shy, and liked sharing my opinions as a follower rather than a leader. But in some ways, this lends me a special sympathy for the underdog, an eye for the shy kid, an understanding of the socially inept, and a kindred spirit with the creative thinkers and self-motivators.
Perhaps someday I'll start an arts camp: I'll put other people in charge of running it and directing the exploratory classes, so that I get to be immersed in the middle of it all with the kids.
Maybe I'm just some kind of modern-day Peter Pan who has grown up and longs for the irretrieveable joys and freedoms of Neverland...