Uplifted

Today was clear and sunny, warm even, so I walked to Taco Time and had lunch at a table outside, admiring the autumn leaves and the fresh air. Tonight the nearly-full moon has a halo, and it followed me home after a good choir rehearsal. I haven't been to one for two weeks, since I was sick, so it sure felt good to be back and singing high Es and Gs again. I even got to try a quartet/solo part, which went reasonably well; I would like the chance to do a small group solo like this, but there is one other person who is also wanting to try the part. I guess we'll see what happens. I was even happier when we got through all of our pieces in time to practice "O Magnum Mysterium," right before the rehearsal ended. This is a piece we performed two years ago, and is back in the program, to my great delight. It is a beautiful work by Morten Lauritsen, and it never fails to uplift my spirits, not to mention it is a joy to sing. The reverent hush when the piece has come to an end is tangible, and both singer and audience feel that they have just taken part in something beautiful. It's almost as if we have been transported for a moment, back in time to the Nativity of Christ, and we are creating a halo for the King of Heaven whose humble beginnings among the animals is such a wondrous mystery...

[Listen to a sample of the piece here: http://acappella.colormaria.com/HAC98272/HAC98272%5EO_Magnum_Mysterium.mp3 ]

I have found that, being a musician, I get much more time to enjoy the Christmas season, because choirs begin preparing months in advance. Then when other folks have gotten their tree, the lights are up, and they are ready for music to get them "in the mood," we singers provide it. Music traditions of Christmastime have formed some of my strongest memories, and create a link to centuries of music-makers who have also told of the long-ago Nativity.
It may not yet be December, but I confess that I have already sat by the fire with a hot drink, and listened to the unforgettable Mannheim Steamroller arrangement of "O Come O come Emmanuel."
There are so many meaningful Christmas songs that people are no longer familiar with, that are getting forgotten as PC holiday or Santa songs take over and every pop star has their hyper-embellished version of a traditional carol. I just wish that the average person could have the chance/be persuaded to hear a good choir, leave behind the commercialized holiday cheer for awhile, and be uplifted by something that more genuinely feels like Christmas.

The gift of today

Today I was blessed with a day off from work, and thus the gift of time at my disposal. This peaceful autumn day has helped me to feel a bit more human, more refreshed, more satisfied that I got to do something I wanted to do before ten o’ clock at night, and that the day has not been taken away from me.
I am once again suffering from respiratory illness, so today’s rest was a welcome reprieve from my shift yesterday, spent standing on hard floors with aching muscles, a sinus headache, a need for Kleenex yet being stranded on a check-stand without it, and wiping down tables while beautiful Fall sunshine streamed through the windows. Today I slept in, dressed in ugly-but-comfortable clothes and running shoes, and went without makeup. I then enjoyed a special treat: a leisurely cup of coffee that brewed while I talked on the phone with my mother and I drank in silence while watching the birds at the birdfeeder outside the window. I have missed the birds; I am glad that birdseed was on sale, so now I have restocked and they are back again. The cat watched them wistfully from the back of the couch, after I caught him stalking the birds by the rhododendron bush and brought him inside.
I went for a walk, and realized how much I have missed the simple pleasures of fresh air, running downhill, looking out over the water, and absorbing the beautiful nuances of the season. People are mowing their grass before the rain returns, someone burns some scrap wood that gives off a spicy-sweet smell, and some folks stand in their driveways to chat with the neighbors. The brilliant colors of autumn are everywhere, in the deep reds and vibrant yellows of maples, apples falling out of trees, pumpkins in the fields, summer flowers putting on a final show, the red rose hips of summer’s wild roses hanging in tangles over fences, and white snow-berries clustered on bare branches.
What a blessing to be surrounded by such beauty, to have the chance to enjoy it! How often I have taken it for granted before. Even washing the dishes -while Dvorak’s 9th Symphony plays on the radio in the background- and planning next week’s lessons become a small joy, as I can do it without a time-frame that obliges me to dash off to another commitment. I feel like a caged bird who has tasted freedom, for one glorious day. I have a pretty good life by most standards, and sometimes wish I could be content with being a working stiff. But days like today remind me of what I am missing and awaken desperation to break free, to do something different, to find my way home to…what? Maybe to a day well-lived, a day that I can look back on with satisfaction and not feel like my efforts are in vain and life has just passed me by a little bit more, denying me the chance to taste autumn in the air and reflect on the simple gifts God gives.
I don’t want to end on a negative note, however. These small splashes of beauty, reflective moments, and valuable time refill the reservoir of hope and give me some strength to pick up again and keep going, like the tree growing out of rocks in the middle of the water. I am on a journey to somewhere, to some place that is just beyond my grasp; I guess I just need to have patience that God will get me there in His good time. After all, today is a gift, that's why we call it "the present."

(This post probably fits the category of “tangential exposition!”)

Neckties

Neckties are amazing, confounding, and create an instant statement. It is amazing that by simply changing this one accessory, a man can make one shirt into several outfits. Blue shirt + black tie with blue and silver designs. Blue shirt + purple and gray striped tie. Blue shirt + green tie. White shirt + any tie... the combinations are only limited by the number of ties a person possesses! Ties also have this invisible aura of classiness, intelligence, and allure when used correctly. When used incorrectly (i.e. tacky, mismatched, paired with casual wear), the statement can be rather repelling. Ties can also be subtle or loud communicators of personal favorites (sports teams, Garfield, or a Scottish clan crest, for example), festive nods to holidays (flags, Christmas lights, etc.), or indicators of someone's personality.
The classiness and intelligence alluded to by a tie may occasionally be a deceitful cover-up, a fraudulent masquerade that cleans up the outside with nice window dressing and false advertising. However, I am of the opinion that if one dresses like a gentleman, the expectations created by a nice necktie will wear off on the owner at least a little bit. Of course there are some chaps who are every bit as nice as their necktie suggests, even when they are not wearing one. There is a difference between smart wearers and nice, gentlemanly wearers as well. Smart wearers are never without a tie, because their profession expects and demands it (and it can also hint at money and education). Nice wearers will endure a tie for a special occasion or for work, but they can take it off without feeling incomplete...as if they were walking out the door without socks or pants on.
Last but not least, we come to a special category of tie-wearers: the female wearer. Dress codes in places such as boarding schools (Hogwarts, even), food service, and other professions often require women to wear ties. I fall into this category. For me, I felt almost guilty purchasing a tie, as if I were violating some sacred ground of male fashion, or were heading into that questionable territory of cross-dressing. My satisfaction soon replaced trepidation, however. I found that ties can be ridiculously expensive, and yet unbelievably enticing in their broad spectrum of designs and colored array. They can be as confounding as they are attractive when you are a) trying to tie it in a hurry, b) trying to make the back end shorter than the front end when cinching the knot, and c) happen to be short enough that the "one size fits all" claim barely prevents the tie from reaching past your waist. Nevertheless, the tie completes my uniform, and lends its invisible charms to make a less than glamorous job a bit more attractive simply by making me look put together.
An interesting invention, neckties. It is a shame that so many have yet to discover their valuable qualities!

The restless mind of a working stiff

Poor, neglected blog. My life has become more complicated since I last visited you, and spare time a luxury. I am now "moonlighting" on weekends as a checker at the grocery store, in order to ease the financial stress of the shortfalls from the salary of my "real" job. The phrase "working stiff" is now clearer to me: I work so much that my muscles ache, I suffer from sleep deprivation, and even the voluntary commitments of choirs and exercise begin to feel taxing. In short, there are days when I feel like I am in a near corpse-like state, with rigor mortis of the mind and the body setting in. The thing that saves me, but that also suffers the most, is my restless mind. Opportunities to reflect, to absorb beauty, to read, and to write are very rare, and these constrictions on my personal life chafe at my creative-contemplative nature.
However, I think I can stick with it for a school year, if I have an end in sight to keep working towards. This restlessness is not due just to work, work, work, it stems from something deeper. I love to learn, to discover, to pursue many interests, to find out more about everything. While I certainly specialize in certain areas of study, there are many possibilities that I long to explore. I have talked about this with one of my sisters; we have both noticed this about ourselves. We get bored with routine. Some people will work their whole lives in one career, choose one thing that defines their contribution to society, happily work away, and be content. These are the surgeons, first grade teachers, grocery store managers, and others whom we need and depend on, and who will be doing that same thing until they retire. However, some of us aren't cut out of that cloth. I have a degree and two jobs, but I don't feel like I am at a stopping point where I should rest on my laurels and pass my days forever the same. I have had a chance to experience predictability, a steady (if not weak) paycheck, gain some valuable skills, and make a difference for a little bit of humanity in this small corner of the world. But it is time to move on; there is a silent call, an invisible thread, drawing me toward new discoveries, possibilities not yet explored, skills that can be put to use in different and better ways. If this restlessness is not remedied in the near future, it will decay into discontent, disappointment, and hopelessness, all of which cheat my students of the fully committed teacher they deserve. The gypsy in me says "your work here is nearly done...time to move on."
I may always be this way, because there are so many things that interest me, and different chapters of my life may contain different careers, work, and study. It reminds me of the opening lines of the tv show The Pretender: "There are Pretenders among us...geniuses with the ability to become anyone they want to be..." I am no genius, but I have enough curiousity to take me places. I am not going to let the common expectations of society limit me to a box; the world is a garden beyond the box, and the world is changing; blessed are the flexible for they will not be bent out of shape! Who knows, maybe someday I'll join Cirque du Soleil...
Until circumstances change, I will continue to fight to keep my creative juices from being completely drained along with my energy, but posts may be a bit more sporadic for awhile. Regardless, my restless mind contemplates nature, poetry, people, and the future while my stiff muscles bag groceries and my tired voice coaxes children to behave properly.