Restless Musings

It has come to that time of the term when the excitement has worn off, homework and responsibilities threaten to overwhelm, insomniac nights and weary mornings are a common occurrence, and my mind wanders to thoughts of Christmas vacation.
I am looking forward to a break, and the good things that a visit home will bring: the good company of a faithful old dog, walks to the river, a piano in the living room that I can play whenever I want (or linger to compose, if inspiration hits), the smell of woodsmoke, evergreens, and frosty air, familiar music of the season, Christmas baking and gift-wrapping, holiday traditions, long conversations, quiet moments, and hugs from dear friends and family.
I haven't had a hug for three months, and I probably get a bit grouchier (or weepy) the longer I go without any human contact/affection. I need to find a church soon, and volunteer in the nursery just so I can hold babies and hug little kids who cry for their mothers.; I need them as much or more than they would need me. I miss getting hugs at recess from my young students, who would surround me on my way inside from the music portable; they always knew that, even if we had a disappointing class due to bad behavior or whatever else, I still cared about them and they could always get a good hug out of me. But now they have a new teacher, and I see hundreds of people each day, none of whom I am on hugging terms with. Thank goodness for the girls in my choir, whom I can be a sort of peer mentor to, as well as have that comraderie that one can find in a choir; a choir is family, of sorts.
I have more thoughts, collected over many days, that I need to spill out here; they have been contributing to this restlessness that makes me feel as if I am about to explode with energy that demands I do something, although I'm not exactly sure what. I want to write creatively and descriptively instead of academically, for a change. Part of this restless feeling is due to being forced into sitting-at-a-desk posture for too many hours of the day, when I would rather be active. Several recent events have reminded me how much I miss dancing, and the inner gymnast has also been screaming for release much more often now that I am regaining flexibility and energy. Salsa and Ballroom dancing have helped to channel that energy, but I find myself needing additional ways to release all that is pent up inside. Years of training in precise movement, attention to detail, spatial awareness, expressive gesture, becoming an embodiment of music, and self-discipline don't just go away when you grow up, you still remember how it felt, and there is a haunting sense of loss because you just don't have opportunities to move like that in everyday life. For some people, the past experience becomes just a pleasant memory; for me, it is an engrained part of my identity that only sleeps at times when it is ignored.
This restlessness leads me to sing in stairwells, walk barefoot on the grass, go for walks at night, do split leaps on curbs when no-one is watching, and write blogs in my mind while trying to fall asleep. I turn off music and listen in the silence, get lost in thoughts, and under it all lies this desire to do something. I want to write a book, write music, make some art, capture a moment of beauty or authenticity in a photograph....there is so much that just has to wait for now.
I feel like I am getting ready for something good, besides just going through all the work -which is worthwhile, of course- of getting a degree, but I'm not sure what... Maybe it is just a reawakening, a coming back to life, a rediscovery of possibilities, of finding that the door to the future is open again and I am enjoying going through it.