Leadership

Most of my life, I have gone solo and independent of the mainstream, cultivating my skills and talents for myself and by myself. I was a gymnast, a dancer, a pianist, and homeschooled, then an organist, a choral singer, a teacher and music director. With the exception of choir, these have been largely self-guided pursuits, where I have had to be in charge, in control, and the leader. Add to that the fact that I am a perfectionist and single -which means looking out for myself and taking care of whatever has to be done- I find myself labeled a control-freak and over-achiever (mainly by people who know me well enough to get away with saying so). I didn't always seek to be a leader, I kind-of just ended up that way. When you have standards, you take action to ensure that those standards are reached, but that means ending up in a lonely place where it is hard to find others who are also "unique" enough to put up with you. All this to say, I am used to working and learning by myself, but sometimes it is wearying and I wish I didn't have to be in control, that I could let someone else be in charge.
Well, now I have the opportunity to put this wish into practice, and learn how to follow instead of lead. I am taking a Salsa/Latin dance class, so for the first time in my life, I have to coordinate with someone else who may or may not be as experienced in movement and music as myself, and let him be in control of the situation. It is both a challenge and a relief to not be the leader, and I find myself instead in the position of being an enabler: I do my best to know my own steps so that I am easy for the man to lead, since he has to decide which move we are going to do next. He gets to drive, while I hopefully make the ride enjoyable! Yes, there are fumbles and awkward moments, misinterpreted directions and sweaty hands, but the simple thrill of helping someone else build their confidence as I learn how to make following look beautiful, makes it all worth it. I am learning how to keep my mouth shut more and not expect instant perfection from myself or others, even if my goal is to get as close to perfection as possible! I don't want to be a control freak, so maybe my love of dancing will help to free me from it, at least in one small part of life, no longer solitary.